#Moderndating & #Takingcontrol

In this modern dating world, you need to #takecontrol.

It’s about #eyesex, #coincidentalstalking & #conversationstarters

There’s a difference and clear distinction between general flirting and flirting with the intention to ‘pick up.’

The flirting act may be subconscious, but when you know you want to go have more fun later, you express it with more force.

Flirting can be a single girl’s secret tool and weapon.

There’s the subconscious and subtle acts such as flicking of the hair, laughing, smiling, leaning closer or mimicking his moves (this actually happens when you like someone, it’s quite interesting).

You have to create that balance of wanting to be pursued and letting the man know you want to be pursued. Think of flirting as a means of getting an introduction. It’s like getting your foot through the door.

The modern day woman doesn’t just wait for the man to walk up to them and introduce herself, men want confidence, someone who knows what they want

I downloaded Tinder as a trial to find a Valentine’s Date. One of my friends told me that when we ‘match,’ not to talk first. Let them do the talking.

I trialled this for a few days, but then decided, screw it, just do it. I’m going to initiate because how do these guys know what type of person I am until I start talking to them? I don’t want to narrow down a pool of potential suitors just because we didn’t talk.

You know what? It actually worked. I met this amazing man and went on a memorable date, all because I started the conversation.

I’m a #singlebutdating girl who #tookcontrol of the #moderndating world

Think of flirting like Tinder swiping ladies. Your body language tells people whether or not you’re interested, as does responding with short and precise answers. If you don’t like what they’re asking or telling you, swipe left ladies.

If you want to know more about this man, you’re going to swipe right because you’re intrigued and want to know more.

Flirting is showing the other person that you want to be more than friends. The aim is to be more open, fun, laugh more and is about being yourself. A guy knows when you’re being fake.

Everyone flirts differently. For some, it’s one-two drinks down, just enough to be more open, confident but not lose control. Don’t embarrass or be embarrassing.

Eye contact is #eyesex

This is the first weapon that can initiate an invitation- look over your shoulder at him a few times. It’s about letting your eyes do the talking. Then give him a cheeky grin and then look back at him to reinforce that invitation to chat.

Some men may need more than one hint, so you don’t want to keep looking and then end up staring at him the whole night.

It can be intimidating, but it’s a way to connect and create intimacy. If he is trying to make conversation with you, don’t look over his shoulder, look into his eyes.

It’s true what they say, eyes are the mirror to the soul. You can see if he has drive, determination, motivation or passion about something by the way his eyes do the talking.

Right place, right time #coincidentalstalking

So, there’s a guy who you have seen lately and like the look of and you’re interested in getting to know him.

The line between flirting and stalking can be grey, so you need to tread carefully and lightly. It’s called #coincidentalstalking.

You’re keen to get to know this guy, so you place yourself where he often frequents or where his friends hang out so you’re able to flirt with him.

My friend really liked the look of this guy. His smile was really attractive and she wanted to get to know him. She met him at her local coffee shop and mentioned to the Barista that she liked his smile. He then told her (with a cheeky grin) that he comes here the same time every day. Score!

Don’t go to the extreme and take it to a full on stalker level. As in, don’t hurry in every day at the same time just to see him. Be cool and collective. After all, if you’re meant to meet with him, it will happen.

Also, don’t go around throwing yourself at men, make your intentions subtle. Do this by sending the right signals and if you want to pursue it further, there’s nothing wrong with making the first move, after all, you’re a confident woman.

The #conversationstarter

It’s finding something to talk about. Any excuse to start a conversation. Look at cues or something that he’s wearing that you can comment and talk about. Be a detective, it’s fun.

You won’t strike up a conversation if your head is down and you’re looking at your phone. This is a number one no-no. If you’re serious about chatting to someone and getting to know them, then you need to ban yourself from your phone.

Get out of your comfort zone and start conversations with the guy at the gym, maybe he has a funny story about his weekend-you won’t know until you ask him how long he’s been gymming here for. Let the conversation flow.

What about the guy in the coffee line who is waiting behind you-turn around and talk about you being in need of an immediate coffee fix. I bet he feels exactly the same way.

Spice up your everyday life. Not only will it amuse you, but it will give you the strength and inner confidence to talk to people

After all, these won’t necessarily be the people you will be dating or taking home. It just makes you more confident by taking yourself out of the status quo.

You need to start somewhere and when you ask a question, they’re going to have to answer! Your conversation starters will be more automatic and more relaxed and may even be more spontaneous! After all, what is the worst that can happen?

Once he starts talking back, you may find that you both have something in common, or mutual friends, but you won’t find out unless you try. Practice makes perfect.

You have nothing to lose, after all, what’s the worst that could happen? A few awkward moments of silence?

Neurolinguistic programming, or NLP works wonders. If you’re unsure what to say, try this technique.

Look at them in the eyes, smile 🙂 and be open and friendly. This way, they know that you want to talk to them. The invitation is open.

Make a statement then ask a question (he has to answer you this way) that requires a response to the statement you mentioned.

• Statement: That looks amazing. I need to try that next round.
  • then the question
• Question: What did you order?

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Be yourself, even crack a joke. Don’t be scared to take yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s about letting go and being yourself. After all, why would you want to be around a guy if you can’t be yourself?